James thought he knew all the best chat up lines, but he seldom managed to pick up girls when he used them. When he approached women, he’d take a few minutes to decide how to best approach them, mentally paging through his collection of lines. While standing there staring, he’d get more and more nervous, and by the time he started speaking he’s be mumbling and the line would sound clumsy instead of witty or funny. James knew he was doing something wrong, and decided to approach Kama Lifestyles for advice.

James’ dating coach asked him to explain his approach step by step before pointing out the mistakes he was making. Using a pickup line relies less on what you say than on how you say it. Cheesy, clichéd pick up lines can be pulled off if they’re delivered with humour and confidence. James’ body language showed that he was nervous, giving the message that he’s not on the same social level as the women he approached. His hesitation reinforced this and made him look like a slightly creepy character, lurking in the shadows. Women are attracted to men who are strong and confident, and his behaviour made him look weak and lacking backbone.

Before learning about the best chat up lines, James had to improve his confidence and self esteem, learning how to read and control body language. His coach gave him a few tips on body language:

  • Keep your hands out of your pockets and don’t slouch;
  • Don’t fidget as it makes you look nervous and uncomfortable;
  • Don’t look around constantly, don’t look down and don’t avoid eye contact;
  • Stand up straight, holding your shoulders back;
  • Stride with confidence and purpose;
  • Don’t shy away from physical contact;
  • Pay attention to your grooming and appearance;
  • Smile and look approachable;
  • Keep your body open. Don’t cross your arms or legs; and
  • Use touch to create attraction and intimacy.

Once James learned how to look confident, he had to learn to change his negative thought patterns. The first step was to identify the self-sabotaging thoughts and feelings he had about himself. Once he was honest with himself, he could approach these thoughts in a rational manner, replacing them with positive thoughts and affirmations. He learned his own worth, identified the things about himself that he liked, and realised that rejection isn’t as terrible as everyone thinks. One shouldn’t take it personally. Instead, rejection should be used to improve social skills and identify areas of improvement.

As James became more confident he started noticing changes in his relationships with those around him. He became more assertive at work, and his social relationships improved. He became fun to be around. Even the way he spoke changed – confident people speak clearly and loudly. He was no longer afraid of being judged by others. James learned that women take a few seconds to form an impression of him, usually long before he opened his mouth. He met Claire while out shopping. He got her number after chatting for a few minutes and they went on their first date a few days later. Because he learned how to approach women with confidence, how to build and create attraction, and how to show that he had worth. In fact, the line he used wasn’t one of the best chat up lines. It was the cheesiest one he could think of: “That’s a pretty dress. It would look great on my floor.” Even though the line was terrible, his delivery was perfect and that made all the difference.

James Thomson, 25, Glazier, Co. Kerry