Dealing with a child or teen who can never take no for an answer can be frustrating, exhausting, and stressful. The constant acts of rebellion, disrespectful behavior, etc., can cause a lot of difficulties for parents. While there are many things you can do to deal with such behavior, it’s equally important to avoid certain actions to prevent conflict.
According to a leading parenting discussion forum, here are some things to avoid when dealing with a defiant child.
Don’t Treat Your Child Disrespectfully
While it’s crucial to be firm about your decisions, you should carefully choose your words and tone when dealing with a defiant child. Disrespecting your child or not treating them fairly will make them more rebellious, and they may not want to listen to you.
Moreover, children consider parents as role models so if you set the right example of expressing disagreements in a respectful manner, your kids will follow.
Avoid Situations Where Your Child Will Be More Defiant
As a parent, it’s important to set your child up for good behavior and not for situations where they’d be more defiant. For example, if your kid gets cranky when you put too many responsibilities on them after school, try to give them some time to rest.
Sometimes children misbehave purposefully and your reaction can make them even more furious. So why not save your energy and deal with them calmly? When you lose your temper, it makes your kid even more defiant. On the other hand, dealing with kids calmly and strategically will give them time to reconsider their actions and the potential consequences.
Avoid Yelling
It’s almost impossible to not feel angry or yell when dealing with a child that won’t take no for an answer. However, you should avoid yelling as much as you can.
When your kid is being defiant, instead of losing your temper, take a step back and firmly tell them that you don’t approve of their behavior. Talk about consequences some other time when everyone is calm. Seeing such a calm reaction from you would take your kid by surprise and they might even end up listening to you.
Don’t Always Imagine the Worst-Case Scenario
When a child is often irritable, shows unrelenting behavior, and talks back too much, it’s natural for parents to always imagine the worst-case scenario possible. You think that your child will only have a gloomy future, they will end up unemployed, or have a hard time finding a partner, etc. However, it’s best to focus on what’s happening at the moment instead of worrying about the future.
When you’re mindful of their current behavior and come up with effective strategies to deal with them, there are more chances of them improving in the future.
Make Your Expectations Clear
Defiant kids often try to run away from responsibilities, but you should make your expectations clear. You can’t expect them to be compliant without knowing what you expect from them. Sit down with your children and discuss certain ground rules regarding doing home chores, bedtime, curfews, completing homework, and behaving with others.
You should also clearly communicate the types of behaviors that aren’t acceptable in your household, such as fighting with siblings, mistreating possessions, disrespecting others, etc.
After you explain these rules, don’t expect your kid to never break them. The goal isn’t to prevent them from breaking a rule but teaching the consequences of their actions so they don’t repeat such behaviors again.
Avoid Joining Them in Their Anger
When kids are defiant and irritated, they want others to experience their anger and pain as well. When outbursts occur, you should let them work through their rage. For example, take them to another room and say, “We will talk when you calm down.” Doing this will prevent future outbursts; on the other hand, when you give the reaction your kid wants from you, they will repeat such behaviors in the future to do things their way.
Don’t Forget to Appreciate the Good Things They Do
Dealing with a defiant child can be mentally and emotionally exhausting, and it can get depressing sometimes. However, you shouldn’t forget the things that make them loveable and praise their good behavior.
At the end of the day, they are still a kid who needs the love and care of their parent. Not acknowledging or appreciating their good behavior can increase their negative feelings. For example, if your kid didn’t talk back or gave a rude reply, you should appreciate it by saying, “Thank you for answering nicely and not losing your temper.” This will encourage them to stick to these good habits.
If you need more help raising well-rounded individuals, you can join the parenting discussion board at ParentingQuestions.org. It’s a popular parenting blog offering a platform for parents to share their experiences and seek advice. They also provide online parenting classes. Visit the website for more details.
About the Author
Leah F. is an entrepreneur and a mom of three kids. She is affiliated with a parenting website and writes helpful guides for parents. Her work on gentle parenting has helped many new-parents to adopt healthy and constructive behaviors when dealing with their children.
