It’s ironic how we often overlook things that effortlessly steal our mental peace. Isn’t something that strips you of your peace supposed to be chaotic and malicious? The truth is that the root of the problem is often underneath the tree – correction, family tree. 

Expectations are generational. 

“Mark went to Stanford.”

“I guess you should talk to Julie; she’ll tell you it’s time to settle down.”

“Stacy listens to her mom.”

You probably read that in your mom or dad’s voice, didn’t you? 

Here, we will attempt to dissect why parents are often so contradictory. How they tell us not to succumb to the pressures of this world but forget they are, too, a part of the “world” putting their own pressure. 

Why were you born?

Let’s give our parents the benefit of the doubt. The first part of the blog may have gone a little too harsh on them. The world is cruel, and our parents try to give us the best life possible. They held your finger when you didn’t know how to walk. They gave their lives to educate you, so you lead a good one yourself. 

The love of a parent toward their children is phenomenal. 

However, they can sometimes get a little too controlling. They unintentionally impose their definition of success and advice on living a good life onto their children. They forget that their lives and trajectory were unique to them and may not necessarily work out for their children.  

We’re pressured to excel in mathematics, but if they only knew that 2+2 is not the only solution to 4. There’s 5-1; there is there’s 4×1… 

Everyone has their own journey.

But you love them…

From the child’s perspective, meeting in the middle with their parents regarding their plans for you and your aspirations isn’t simple. 

Here’s how you can deal with pressure from your parents to pursue your own path in life.

  • Remain Calm
    Being told what to do can be annoying, especially when you are instructed to pursue a crucial endeavor. However, communication is key. You must approach the confrontation, keeping in mind that your parents want the best for you. Deep breaths!
  • Research
    It’s only natural for parents to think they know better than you. You have to prove why you know what you’re doing. Research and bring your parents an argument backed by tangible sources. 
  • Identify the reason
    If your parents are adamant about not letting you do what you wish, reassess why your decision might be bad for you. You might be letting your emotions cloud your judgment; maybe, just maybe, your parents are right. Think about it.
  • Be willing to compromise
    It’s never going to be easy. You will find yourself wanting to compromise. Being a know-it-all won’t really help. After all, they are your parents, and you need to consider their happiness too.
  • Know what you are fighting for

You should know whether what you are fighting for is worth it. The conversations and confrontations will be stressful. You may even find your relationship with your parents compromised. Fight for what makes you a better person in the long run. 

The protagonist of Douglas Bell’s book, Cakewalk, finds himself in a similar predicament. Being a successful, African American cis-gendered man bragged on by his mother, he has to come out to her about his relationship with a white transgender woman, Nadia. 

Will he be able to embrace his true self?

Order Douglas Bell’s Cakewalk and discover where Bryan’s stroll led him.