There is nothing else like local parish ministry. It is here where I, as well as many of you, have met some of the most godly, sensitive, and gifted people in our lives. Many of these folks have both challenged and encouraged me in my spiritual journey, their lives serving as examples of godliness. I thank God for these saintly men and women. But then…there are others, the ones my wife refers to as VDPs (Very Draining People). These individuals possess attitudes and exhibit behaviors that often cause problems in themselves, their circles of concern, or the congregation at large. Whether I served as pastor or as part of the lay leadership, it often fell to me to deal with these people, their problems, and the resulting dilemmas. My frustration with these individuals led me to explain the cause for these problems with one words in. All that needed to be done to solve the problem was for these individuals to get right with God. This perspective changed, However, when I read Wayne Oates book, Behind the Masks. He wrote: People who live in a recurrent or perpetual state of disorder irritate, aggravate, and frustrate us. They wear on our nerves.
No amount of helping them seems
They enrage or depress us or alternately do both. No amount of helping them seems to have any lasting effect.1 In this book, I found a writer who understood my frustration but who also introduced me to the world of personality disorders. As a result, I came to understand that the behaviors and attitudes of some people were best explained by a point of view other than mere sinfulness. As I pursued clinical training, which included learning how to diagnose and treat mental disorders, my sympathy for these individuals deepened, and the pendulum swung the other direction. I then began explaining the behavior of problem people in my parish exclusively by diagnostic criteria. A good number of these individuals ended up in my office. These people sought my services in counseling because every one of their attempts to find hope for change on their own failed. They were demoralized and desperate. Their families and friends were hurt and confused. They needed someone to offer some word of encouragement. In the Ratgeber setting, they shared some of the most intimate and desperate details of their lives.
Many of these details were extremely problematic and very embarrassing. They were shared at great risk with the anticipation that I could help them find some relief for their hopelessness. I knew these people wanted and needed my help. As a Christian and a counselor, I sensed Gods calling on my life to be a helper. But I was frustrated with my approach. There had to be some other way of helping instead of explaining the problems as either sinfulness or as mental disorders. I was trained in the disciplines of theology and psychotherapy. Was I to separate these? Combine or integrate them? Find a balance between the two? I soon realized the need to focus not on what I do as a counselor, but on who I am and who I represent in the presence of those who seek my help. I concluded that I was to be a representative of the one who offers ultimate hope to hurting, disordered, and, yes, very draining people. Hope is a powerful thing.
Scripture tells us hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5, nasb). Non-Christian therapists also understand the power of hope. One author refers to it as a powerful generator of change.2 Another researcher referred to hope as that which keeps the patient in therapy so that other therapeutic factors may take effect.3 My Christian faith offers me the hope of eternal life. By virtue of my relationship to God in Christ, I can rest in the promise of heaven when I die. As comforting as this hope is, it does not completely satisfy my need for hope. This reality became painfully clear to my wife and me several years ago. When our oldest daughter was 18 months old, she developed a kidney problem which required major surgery.
I endured many days of uncertainty in anticipation
My wife and I endured many days of uncertainty in anticipation of the final outcome. At this point in our lives, the hope of going to heaven when we died did not adequately satisfy our need for hope. However, the Holy Spirit was very real and ever-present with us. We understood what Jesus meant by another paraclete (John 14:16), one who walks alongside. We felt him providing strength, comfort, and sustaining power during this troubling time. I discovered early in my ministry that my parishioners expected me to visit them during their times of crisis.
Being the good pastor I aspired to be, I complied with their requests, yet without really understanding why. Then several weeks after my daughters surgery, while sitting with a parishioner in a hospital room, it came to me that during the visit I was the representative of God for that person. By virtue of the Holy Spirits presence in me, I was, in a manner of speaking, the incarnation of the Spirit. I was a representation of the God who was walking along with that person in his journey. This thought is not original to me. Howard Cline bell has written: An effective caring/counseling relationship… becomes a part of the continuing incarnation of the Spirit of the creating God in the lives of hurting, hoping people.4 This perspective has changed the way I approach each troubled person in the counseling setting. The fact that I now give more attention to who I am than to what I do does not mean that I neglect treatment planning, goal setting, or the appropriate therapeutic technique. I do not. However, I continue to remind myself of my role in this incarnate, hope giving ministry.
I happen to be a pastoral counselor on staff at a reasonably large church. The thoughts which follow attempt to explain my identity in my role as a pastoral counselor, but the application is fitting for any Christian caregiver. This role is rooted in three different biblical concepts. These include the doctrine of priesthood, the role of the shepherd, and the office of pastor/teacher.
The Priestly Role
The counselor/caregiver often functions in a priestly role when he or she offers hope to those who seek assistance. This is perhaps the most obvious role. Many of my clients have sought my services as a Christian counselor/caregiver because they expected their spiritual concerns to be welcomed and acknowledged. One such concern is the need for someone to hear a confession of sin. The real hope expressed here is that of finding forgiveness. This satisfies the need among clients to have someone to whom they can confess sin and by whom they can be assured of God’s forgiveness. Those of us in the Evangelical Free Church tradition do not always appreciate this function. It is indeed the function of the priestly role to hear a client’s honest confession of sin, encourage genuine repentance, and offer the assurance of forgiveness. It also meets the scriptural admonition to confess your sins to one another (James 5:16, nasb). A second priestly function is that of intercessory prayer. When the counselor/caregiver offers prayer for the client in his or her presence, it does a number of things. First, it assures the client that God is included in the helping process.
One reason for hopelessness is a feeling on the part of the client that his or her prayers are unheard. When the counselor prays, the client is encouraged that at the very least, God might hear the prayers of the counselor. Hope is engendered by this divine appeal. Second, clients need to see the counselor/caregiver as a person of prayer. The ease and confidence by which the counselor prays helps the client to sense the presence of God within the counseling session. It also helps exude trust that the counselor maintains a relationship with God in his or her own life.
The Shepherding Role
Another role which has its roots in the biblical context is that of shepherding. The New Testament use of the word shepherd means to protect, care for, nurture, feed, or tend to. The counselor fulfills this shepherding role in a number of ways. When the counselor listens empathically to a client or validates his or her emotions, the counselor is nurturing and caring for the client. When the counselor encourages Ratgeber positive behavioral or attitudinal change, initiates a plan of action, assigns homework, or holds the client accountable, he or she protects, feeds, and tends to the needs of the client. The process of counseling and care giving begins by meeting the client where he or she is, then agreeing to journey along with that person in his or her struggles. The counselor often does this at the great expense of time and energy. Further, clients can drive the counselor to do further research such as additional reading or consultation with a supervisor. This often means a significant investment of emotional, spiritual, and intellectual energy. As such he or she has to lay down his or her own life for the sheep. (This, of course, was the phrase Jesus used to describe the Good Shepherd in John 10:11.)
The Pastor/teacher Role
Perhaps the most Important aspect of the counselors identity is that of pastor/teacher. The counselor must be one who readily and intentionally uses thoughtful and insightful biblical interpretation to help the client understand and apply biblical truth. Some clients make erroneous application of Scripture passages. Others are the victims of poor theological teaching. Still others have little or no theological understanding or discernment. These things certainly contribute to disordered living. The teaching role of the counselor is not limited to biblical and theological issues. It must also include teaching about life in general. This includes helping individuals learn how thoughts and emotions interrelate, how human relationships form and develop as well as the nature of boundaries and goal setting.
To teach a bereaved client about the stages of grief or to help a married couple learn to employ I-statements in their communication is to fulfill the role of pastor/teacher. Many consider Seward Hiltner to be the father of the pastoral counseling movement. Nearly 40 years ago he wrote: The aims of Pastoral Counseling are the same as those of the Church itselfbringing people to Christ and the Christian fellowship, aiding them to accept Gods freely offered salvation, helping them to live with themselves and their fellow men in brotherhood and love, enabling them to act with faith and confidence instead of the previous doubt and anxiety, bringing peace where discord reigned before.
The counselor can employ a variety of therapeutic approaches. He or she must be careful that each approach includes a focus on who the counselor is more than on what he or she does. It is through this identity that the counselor or caregiver is reminded of his or her opportunity to incarnate the Spirit of God and thereby Ratgeber offer hope to the troubled individual who has sought his or her help. Here is a therapist directory for your help.
