Doubt in a relationship is something we all experience at some point. Sometimes we act on it and leave our partner, while other times we stay and fight. But what is it that makes you stay in a relationship even when you feel like walking away?
Are you uncertain about your relationship?
Does a part of you want to leave?
The desire to leave may stem from losing connection over time.
In a busy everyday life, it’s easy to let the relationship take care of itself.
And you know it well:
A relationship requires care and attention.
But it’s just so easy to let one day blend into another – work and children demand so much from you.
Even invitations can be difficult to decline.
Over time, the warm feelings and the good connection between you may fade away.
Therefore, doubt can lead to your relationship dwindling into a practical collaboration.
It doesn’t mean your doubt in the relationship is gone.
No, it just means you haven’t acted on it.
So you neither talk to your partner about your doubts nor muster the courage to say that now you’re leaving.
So you stay.
And stay.
And stay a bit longer.
Choosing not to choose is also a choice:
You resign yourself to living in a relationship that you fundamentally doubt.
So why don’t you just leave?
6 reasons you ignore doubt in your relationship:
Do you recognize yourself in one or more of these statements?
- Fear of making your partner angry or upset
- Staying for the sake of the children
- Considering others’ expectations
- Fear of financial difficulties
- Divorce goes against your values
- Fear of change
If yes, read on.
#1. You’re afraid of making your partner upset or sad – Skilsmisse eller ej – Are you afraid of making your partner sad or angry?
So, do you keep to yourself that you’re uncertain about the relationship?
Do you think it’s okay for you to feel sad and unhappy but not your partner?
Does the fear of your partner’s anger or sorrow prevent you from acknowledging your doubts about the relationship?
Especially women tend to push aside their emotions and pretend everything is fine to avoid their partner’s anger.
I believe it stems from biology.
Small children need their mothers to set aside their own needs and take care of them. However, this ability can be misused in a romantic relationship.
If you ignore your own needs, it can lead to doubts in your relationship. Then, you might feel that there’s no space for you and what you want in your relationship.
You may start fantasizing about creating space for yourself outside the relationship.
Consider this carefully:
Is it healthy to be in a relationship where you adjust to your partner’s mood?
#2. You stay for the sake of the children You don’t need to look far if you want to read about how harmful divorce is for children.
Personally, I miss studies that show how damaging it is for children when parents stay together for the wrong reasons.
You can probably imagine what it’s like to grow up with parents who are unsure about their relationship.
You are a role model for your children.
What are you teaching your children about relationships and love?
Are you teaching them that cold air, lack of contact, and lack of interest are natural ingredients in a relationship?
Is your relationship one that you want for your children?
Because you know: children imitate their parents, even when it comes to relationships.
If a divorce can happen amicably, it doesn’t harm children.
Yes, children wish their parents were together. Children would also prefer to skip sandwiches and live on cake.
Remember that you are the adult who knows what is healthy and good for your child.
The best thing you can give your children is happy parents. And that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to be together.
By letting go of your doubts in your relationship, you can also let go of many frustrations.
Divorce and grief go hand in hand.
Breathe freely!
#3: You consider others’ expectations – If you could only make one person happy in your life, who would it be?
I hope you answer yourself. Because you are with yourself every second of your life. Skilsmisse efter mange års ægteskab. Everyone has an opinion about you and your life.
Those opinions are just rarely the same.
So, no matter what you choose in your life, someone will think it’s great, and others will think it’s stupid.
Make sure you’re with people who support you in choosing what’s right for you. Whether you change jobs, move, or doubt your relationship.
Very few relationships are lifelong or “till death do us part.”
Many relationships are short.
And that’s okay!
We all change as the years go by. It’s entirely natural.
But it makes it difficult to find a partner who suits you throughout your life.
You probably only have one life.
Use it with people who respect you and the choices you make.
Who like you as you are.
And don’t waste your life in doubt about your relationship.
#4 Fear of poor finances Are you afraid of losing your lifestyle?
Do you fear that divorce will leave you financially worse off?
You’re certainly not the first.
It’s expensive to have a house, a car, vacations, a summer house, children, and a daily life filled with luxuries.
The thought of squeezing your three kids into a small apartment in a housing complex is unpleasant.
A possible farewell to annual trips abroad can also make you ignore your doubts about your relationship.
Feel how much material goods mean to you. Does it mean more to you than an equal, loving relationship? If so, that’s okay.
Then you’re probably okay with passing on that value to the next generation.
And in that case, you can stay in the relationship with a clear conscience. Because then you get what you need the most.
Allowing yourself to acknowledge your values can dissolve doubt.
But…
Have you thought that maybe you can have both?
Perhaps you can earn more money than you do now?
You can also meet a new partner who suits you better. And who can help you regain the lifestyle you love?
Either way, I encourage you to have it all:
The cool lifestyle AND the equal, loving relationship.
#5. Divorce goes against your values Did your parents get divorced?
Many children of divorce make a promise to themselves that their own children shouldn’t experience a divorce.
It’s a loving wish made by a child lacking life experience.
Therefore, you don’t have to keep that promise to yourself.
Your (former) stance on divorce can also prevent you from addressing your doubts.
Perhaps you’ve frowned upon others who got divorced. Thought they gave up too easily. That they were selfish and forgot about the children.
Everyone is entitled to become wiser.
Including you!
It’s also possible that you’re looking for a valid reason to get divorced.
And that you don’t think just being unhappy is enough.
You might wish your partner would cheat—because it gives you a valid way out of the relationship.
Or you might end up doing it yourself.
#6. Fear of change – Divorce brings significant changes to your life.
It’s only natural to try to avoid such significant changes.
As the saying goes, “You know what you have, not what you’ll get.” (Undgå skilsmisse få kærligheden tilbage ægteskabet) And yes, that’s entirely true.
But it could be that you know you don’t want more of what you have.
And that you want to see what else you can get!
Of course, you might be afraid that your life will become (even) worse than it is.
But have you considered that the opposite could also happen?
That you get precisely the life you’ve always wished for?
And that your children have happy parents who flourish after some time?
Do you want to let go of your doubts too?
Initially, it’s easiest to act as if nothing is wrong and continue as if everything is normal.
But try to imagine how your life would be without that nagging doubt:
You’ll avoid walking on eggshells and can speak your mind Everything you feel is welcome – you won’t have to be hard on yourself You’ll have the energy to live the life you want – for yourself and your loved ones Take the first steps out of your doubt.
