Do you know that, on average, there are more than 400,000 victims of rape and sexual assault aged 12 or older in the United States? And what is the root cause of this catastrophe? Inappropriately touching children and preventing them from speaking up about it.
Parents often struggle with teaching children about sexual abuse, so they take a detour that is far easier for them to understand. And that is, developing a contrast between good touch and bad touch.
Parenting Questions is a dedicated parenting forum and community that shares valuable content on all things “parenting.” We have decided to put our ideas together and generate an informative general parenting discussion that outlines 7 ways you can teach your children about inappropriate touch.
What Is Bad Touch?
Inappropriate touch is directly related to the definition of sexual abuse. It means a sexual behavior or touch which is forced upon a child, an act of violence that is usually used against children that are weaker than the attacker.
Sexual behavior isn’t only displayed by adults. Even two toddlers or preschoolers playing with each other can exhibit signs of sexual behavior, like touching each other’s genitals.
Before we start with the topic, parents themselves need to be clear on what makes a touch bad. Any touch that makes your child feel uncomfortable, nervous, or afraid is bad touch. This can include hitting a child and touching their body. If your child feels uncomfortable when they are touched or kissed, then it is, without a doubt, a bad touch.
5 Examples of Bad Touch
Some examples of a bad touch are;
- A touch that makes the child nervous and scared.
- A child forced to touch another person is a bad touch.
- A touch after which the other person asks the child not to tell anyone is bad touch.
- If a person threatens that they will hurt the child if they tell anyone, it means the touch is bad.
- A touch that doesn’t make the child feel safe with another person is bad touch.
How to Talk to a Child About Inappropriate Touching
Parents often worry about the physical safety of their children. “Do not play with electric wires,” “Wear seatbelts,” “Do not go in the balcony alone.”
But do they often engage in talks about sexual abuse with their kids? No.
Many parents delay talking to their children about “inappropriate touch,” but it is better to set aside your uneasiness and awkwardness and navigate the topic of body safety. In this way, you can protect your kids from becoming victims or guilty of sexual abuse thought out their life.
Here are 7 ways you can teach your children about inappropriate touch;
1. Teach Them About Their Bodies
The safest and earliest stage of teaching about inappropriate touch is to equip children with information about their bodies. Teach them the names of their private parts, and tell them that it is their body to protect and keep safe.
2. Tell Them to Say” No” When It Doesn’t Feel Right
You should tell your children, “This is your body, and you should always keep it safe and protected.” So whenever someone touches it inappropriately, whether it is another child kicking them or an adult trying to touch their bodies, your children must be empowered to speak up and say “No” to any touch that goes against their consent.
3. Be Open in Your Conversations
There are many parenting styles, like authoritative, authoritarian, or permissive. Whatever your style, you should start talking about your kid’s bodies in a safe manner in everyday activities. Teach them how to protect their private parts when they are taking a bath or beside the pool so that your kids are comfortable to detect any incident of inappropriate touch and immediately share it with you.
4. Encourage Them to Tell the Truth
Children lie due to a variety of reasons. One of those reasons could be a bribe or threat by an abuser that prevents them from speaking up about inappropriate touch. So, do your best to create a safe environment for your child from a young age, and do not ever discourage them from narrating their day’s events or sharing their thought process with you.
5. Do Not Be an Absent Parent
Do not be an absent parent, and just teach your children to reject candies from strangers. Monitor their engagement and conversations around other people, even if they are someone your child meets on a daily basis. If your child is alone with a team coach or tutor for a short or long time, try to judge their behavior and conversations after their encounter so that you can detect any abnormal behavior.
6. Differentiate Between Good Touch and Bad Touch
Tell your kids that good touch feels safe. It can be a caring gesture like patting on the head or back and hugging a child after their consent. Bad touch can hurt a body or feeling, like pinching and hitting or touching their body, even when a child says no.
7. Give Your Kids Clear Instructions
Set clear rules with your children and tell them that no one should look at or touch their private parts, and they shouldn’t touch or see the private parts of other children and adults. Even if someone is using seemingly innocent gestures like stroking their face at first, teach them to say “stop!” immediately when someone starts touching their bodies without their consent.
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