Hannah Miller believes in soulmates since she was a child. When she was a child, her grandmother told her seahorses have a mate for life. It fascinated her to think that maybe she could find the same person.
Her sister introduced her to Sam when they went to a theme park as a group. Her sister teased her, saying she and Sam were going to marry, while he held her hand on the scariest rides. Despite being a bit embarrassing, Miller was head over heels that day, says the 45-year-old from Birmingham, UK. My friends all asked me about the boy who held my hand on Monday when I went on my school bus.
The boy from the theme park did not cross her path again until she was 18, but once they did, things moved quickly. Just before Hannah’s 20th birthday, Sam told Hannah he loved her, and they were married soon after. She says that commitment came easily, as if “we were meant to be together”, so why wait? “We knew that getting married had no point because we were soulmates.”
According to one 2021 survey, a shocking number of people believe in soulmates; this concept is also prevalent in many other cultures. Many people believe there is a perfect person out there, and during the last 50 years, this idea has only grown in popularity. We believe in soulmates based on our personal circumstances and psychology – however, it’s possible that those hoping to meet the right person might doom their relationships from the beginning.
A brief history of soulmates
Humans once had four arms, four legs, and two faces, according to Greek philosopher Plato. Zeus had punished us for our pride by splitting us in half, so we were destined to wander the Earth searching for our other half.
While our understanding of love and relationships might have evolved since Plato penned Symposium in 385 BCE, the desire to have an ‘other half’ still endures for many, and has spanned numerous cultures throughout history. Hindus believe that people have a karmic connection with particular souls. The Yiddish term for your ideal or predestined marriage partner is bashert, which roughly translates to destiny. Rumi, a Persian poet and Islamic scholar from the thirteenth century, posited that lovers do not finally meet, but are in fact forever together. Throughout Western literature, there are many examples of lovers who were meant to be together, from Romeo and Juliet to Heathcliff and Cathy.If yu need i can share some more about female doctors
Despite the fact that the concept of soulmates probably dates back thousands of years, the actual term was probably only coined during the 19th century. The first instance of its use is in 1822, in a letter by the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge. “To be happy in Married Life… you must have a Soul-mate,” he wrote. Despite being socially pressured to marry, Coleridge remained apart from his wife for most of their union, eventually separating permanently.
The idea persisted, rising in popularity, especially in recent decades, despite Coleridge’s inability to find a true soulmate. Professor of sociology and director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, US, Brad Wilcox observes an increase in the appeal of soulmates since the 1970s, when what he calls the “me decade” and a culture of individualism transformed our approach to relationships.
According to him, people are increasingly looking for relationships that give them happiness and fulfillment. “The unprecedented prosperity of the West also makes marriage less important as a means for securing economic survival. People’s expectations about marriage changed from a pragmatic to a more expressive, soulmate model in which their expectations are more psychological and less material.
The enduring nature of the soulmate myth
There is plenty of reason to be sceptical about the idea of a perfect person being predestined for you after all, most people marry someone from the same state as them, and 43% marry someone they went to high school or college with.
With over eight billion people on the planet, it’s not surprising that many people find their soulmate just around the corner. Yet the concept of a soulmate has endured across numerous cultures and time periods – what is it about The One that captures people’s hearts?
Bradley Onishi, an associate professor of religion at Skidmore College, has used his background in the history of ideas to try and understand the enduring nature of the soulmate myth. He believes that we are innately motivated to believe that we have a soulmate.
One of the most popular soulmate myths suggests that amidst the dizzying and often confusing landscape of dating apps, there is a match out there that makes sense of it all – Bradley Onishi
According to Onishi, the “soulmate myth” promises fulfillment. “It tells us that the loneliness and isolation that are so often part of our experience are only temporary. We will one day be joined with The One who understands us on every level, protects us from harm, and gives our lives the meaning they deserve.”
Basically, believing in soulmates is our way of constructing a coherent narrative out of the oftentimes chaotic and unpredictable experience of looking for love. “The soulmate myth is really good at taking all the bad first dates, the breakups, the dashed hopes and disappointments and putting them into a story that says that one day all of this will make sense someday,” he explains.
This is especially true when it comes to modern dating, perhaps explaining how the soulmate concept has evolved over time. In recent years, the idea of a soulmate has taken on a more spiritual meaning, that you may just be meant to be with someone.
There is a lot of uncertainty in our world today – politically, environmentally, and socially. The soulmate myth promises that despite the dizzying and sometimes confusing landscape of dating apps, you can find the one that will solve all your problems. The myth promises a sense of anchor to modern life that many look for.
Practical expectations?
Practically, finding a soulmate may not be the best course of action. “Soulmate marriages are more fragile as feelings fluctuate,” Wilcox says. “A less soulmate-based approach is linked to greater stability.”
Researchers have studied hundreds of relationships and found that having an expectation of finding a soulmate causes unhealthy patterns of behavior and even makes your relationship more likely to break up.
The reason for this is that people who believe in soulmates are more likely to hold out for a perfect person, and therefore view any bumps on the road as a dealbreaker – perhaps this is not the right person for them.
Conversely, soulmate skeptics tend to have a ‘growth’ mentality, believing that relationships involve compromise and work, and they are motivated to find solutions.
Ruth Micallef, a specialist BACP-registered counsellor who works with many patients who experience relationship difficulties, says expecting something to be instantly perfect will only lead to disappointment and resentment.
Couples who have spent years supporting each other through all of the changes they are going through, and haven’t expected each other to be ‘perfect’ or ‘everything’, usually have successful relationships.”
You might feel a sense of relief after a bad date, or you might create a narrative and structure to your own love story by finding your soulmate. But if you’re truly searching for your soulmate, it might not be good to believe you have found it – and you shouldn’t even bother trying to find one.
We are all imperfect – not just you, but also your future mate, Wilcox declares. Concentrate on the non-negotiables first – the virtues that make a marriage last, shared values, and some common interests. “Don’t expect a future spouse to meet all your expectations, unless you intend to be a perpetual bachelor or bachelorette.”
Some people believe the myth of the soulmate simply because it works for them. Sam and Hannah have been married for 23 years and are the parents of three children.
In her opinion, her relationship is one of the things she is most proud of. “There are so many uncertainties in life, but I can honestly say that we’ve grown up together, and I know we’ll continue to grow old together, forever soulmates.”
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