Parents need to juggle a lot when going through a divorce. You’ll need to deal with negotiating with your soon-to-be-former partner, figuring out a custody arrangement, sorting out your life post-marriage, and more. And while a good divorce attorney can help you with a lot of those issues — as the Viola Law Firm website shows — there are a few things only the parent can deal with. And one of them is helping the kids cope with the divorce.
Dealing with a divorce is not easy for kids, especially young ones. And this isn’t something you can expect them to process in a few days or weeks. But there are ways to make the process easier for them. Here are some steps you can take to help your kids deal with your divorce.
Step #1 – Study up
It’s important to be careful with generalizations. Each child is a unique individual, and no two kids will react to the news of a divorce exactly alike. However, there are often a lot of similarities with how children of different age groups deal with a divorce. And you can benefit greatly from learning and being able to spot those similarities.
Do your research. Find out how children around the age of your kids usually react to news of a divorce and what you can do to help them cope with their emotions. Knowing what’s typical can also help you spot which reactions are healthy shows of emotion and which ones may be leading in a more toxic direction.
Step #2 – Break the news yourself
Trust often becomes an issue when parents are getting divorced. It’s only natural for parents to want to protect kids from the ugly aspects of two adults separating. But from a child’s perspective, that protection often comes across as the parents being secretive and deceitful. And you’re only going to make that reaction worse if your kids have to learn about the divorce from someone else.
Once it’s clear that the divorce is going to happen, sit your kids down, and break the news yourself. If possible, get their other parent in the room so you two can present a united front.
Step #3 – Keep the peace
Trying to keep your children isolated from the drama that often accompanies a bad divorce is quite tricky. But even if you need to be honest about your former partner’s bad behavior, do your best to avoid badmouthing them or bickering with them in front of the children. They should never be put in a position where they feel like they need to pick a side in the conflict.
