Since the dawn of time, a trademark of a high-value man has always been their self-confidence and self-esteem. In ancient times, however, the only way you could have them and not get killed was if you actually had the muscle, money, or power to back up your attitude.
While those things are still closely connected with how a man perceives himself and others perceive him, it’s a lot easier to build and demonstrate your self-confidence in the 21st century. With a multitude of ways to learn, develop, act, feel, and look your best, and the stakes at a historic low, there really is no excuse not to be the man you’re meant to be.
Learn to hold your frame
What most people do not get is that a vast majority of self-confidence comes from our minds. By definition, self-confidence is a strong belief that we are capable of making the correct decisions, and self-esteem is our emotional perception of ourselves. They are both parts of an overarching concept called self-perception, and the thing is, there is no way to influence something that is mental with something physical.
You can’t buy, steal, or receive self-confidence, you have to earn it, and you do so by convincing yourself that you deserve it. I know it sounds a bit complicated, but at the end of the day, we’re just going to change the way you think about yourself and the world. So what is a frame? A frame is a way a situation is perceived and agreed on by everyone involved (even if it’s just you). Try describing yourself in a few words and examine through what lens you’re judging yourself and what criteria you’re using. That’s your frame.
Now, try looking at yourself from a different angle and see if anything negative can actually be a benefit in some way. Congratulations, you’ve changed the frame and if you hold it for long enough and act as if it’s true, you’ll adopt it. The key is not letting the frame break once it’s challenged, which it will be.
Improve your dating life
Other people are going to call you into question, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and there is no more risk-free way to test the strength of your frame than in a conversation with a girl you like, and that’s where it’s sure to be tested. Whether you’ve chosen to approach her in real life, through social media, or a trustworthy sugar dating app, a girl is going to screen you by some criteria and it’s your job to present yourself in an attractive way.
If you still don’t trust yourself enough, study thoroughly dating and how your success in it is tied to your self-worth and value. The truth is, women might not always be the best judges of objective value, but they are most certainly the best judges of how much value a man attributes to himself.
Get fit
There is no surer way to improve yourself physically or mentally than working out. It requires discipline, dedication, and time management, and builds your resistance, all things which you can use to pump up your self-esteem, not just your muscles.
On the other hand, your physical shape is also going to improve pretty quickly, especially if you’re just starting out, and it’s going to be proof that you have started taking strides toward your goals. While we should not underestimate the effect fitness can have on the overall quality of life, here’s another piece of advice, which might seem counterproductive at first.
Accept yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally
From accepting your body type to accepting that you might be a bit more timid than your friends to accepting that you really do love dancing and that there’s nothing wrong with that, acceptance is going to be your best friend and an ally against impractical perfectionism. Nowadays, we compare ourselves to unrealistic ideals and are always found wanting.
Know and accept that all of your idols are flawed and have their problems and insecurities. Know too, that you will never be like them because you will always be you. Maybe not the “you” you are now, but still you. That’s absolutely fine, and acknowledging that will most likely bring you some manner of peace.
Final word
In conclusion, I would like to cover some simple tactics that could be useful in working on your self-esteem and self-confidence but are just tactics and will not in and of themselves be very impactful.
- Stand straight – standing straight is the first sign of being in charge, confident, and trusting in yourself. It shows you and everyone around you that you know who you are and they should as well.
- Dress well – just like working out is important, so is dressing the part. If you’re dressed to impress (while adapting the outfit to the occasion), chances are you really are going to look dashing.
- Maintain eye contact – maintaining eye contact while speaking (but not in a creepy way) will communicate to your counterpart that you deserve respect and are not to be messed around with.
